Dancing With And Through Grief

The following is a Passion Post I wrote for One Nia Girl. It was published on Thursday, August 23, 2012.

Photo by Lynn Gravatt

Today is the 10 year anniversary of my father's death. He died unexpectedly at the age of 55. A year after his passing, I discovered Nia. More than any practice, Nia has helped me to heal and move through intense grief over the past ten years. As I look back now and think about the different approaches I sought - which included grief counseling, yoga, painting, massage, and sisterhood, none have held a candle to the healing power of Nia.

What exactly has Nia done for me and through me the past ten years?
- In grief counseling it seems I could never find the words to express the depth of loss and sorrow I felt. When I practice Nia, it feels like I have an endless vocabulary and ways to express the range of emotions that come, including hope and joy. With Nia, I learned quickly that my body has the capacity to express what words can’t and it stretches me to feel in new ways constantly.

- As a practice, Nia helps me to move stuck energy in my body so that I don’t feel crippled by the waves of grief that come and go with various intensity.

- Grief made me feel fragmented and Nia reminded me of my wholeness by addressing the needs and desires of my body, mind, heart, and spirit.

- Through the White Belt, Blue Belt, and Nia 5 Stages intensives and the continuing education/sensation scientist modules, I am continuously cultivating greater awareness of sensation and appreciation for my body’s signals. It has taught me how to move to self-heal when symptoms of grief arise. When I feel a lump in my throat I make sounds...and loudly! When I feel my chest tighten I can explore any of the Nia movements related to the chest or upper extremities. When I feel groundless I focus on my feet and the base of my body.

- Learning that pain is signal that something is wrong and needs attention was like getting hit in the head with a boulder. I have never forgotten this lesson and I listen intently to my body and if there is pain, I address it immediately. I honor her voice.

- I’ve learned to take my time and to trust the process of healing by honoring natural time. I can’t be rushed but I am always willing to venture out and explore my edge. I find it both liberating and exhilarating that Nia encourages me to discover to move my own unique way, to find my internal and external rhythm and to embrace that this expression is ever changing. This is such an important lesson for moving through grief (for me).

- By continually tracking sensation and tweaking for pleasure, I have learned to be fully present both on and off the dance floor. Nia has taught me to give undivided attention to the health of my body, mind, heart and spirit. That has meant honoring the grieving process and noticing the signs of healing as they unfold. No pushing through or forcing. I have learned to love the path of least resistance.

- FreeDance, although it terrified me at first, has taught me how to let go, play and explore. Related to grief, it’s been an invitation to act out a variety of emotions through movement, including the dance of grief.

- More than anything Nia has taught me that Joy can reside beside grief with a loving hand and that I can choose to experience the sensations of joy and pleasure in my own body even when grief is at the surface. This awareness and this choice have brought a depth of joy into all areas of my life. A friend once told me that I was unapologetically joyful, and even though I blushed when she said it I knew she was right and I have Nia to thank for it.

As I celebrate my father today, August 23rd, I know I have my Nia practice to support whatever comes up for me on that day or the surrounding days. A decade has passed and grief still comes in waves. I will dance lovingly and joyfully with whatever comes, honoring its presence and then willingly release it when it leaves. My allies are here to light the way: the movement forms, the 13 principles, the Nia 5 Stages, the five sensations, the philosophy rooted in pleasure, and the simple act of choosing Joy. I unapologetically choose Joy. I can see my father smiling already.